Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
