what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
