so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
