there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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