Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
