Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
