the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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