My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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