please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
