Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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