a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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