Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
