nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
