i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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