Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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