After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
