I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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