Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
