Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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