I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
