Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
