3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
