and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
