I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Quick, to the slutcave!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize