Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
