Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His nipple licking is glorious
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