he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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