It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
