So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
