come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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