This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
