I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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