We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
