I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
