I smell stomach acid.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
