I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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