I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
