college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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