So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
