i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
