There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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