Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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