just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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