He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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