Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
