We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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