Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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