Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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