theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
