she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
