The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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