Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
