im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
