I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
