Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
