I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
