Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
