he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize