Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
