Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
