You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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