Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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