I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
