If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
