i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
