My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
