...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
