Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize