I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
