Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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