he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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